"Mommy's Little Girl"

I thought I wouldn't need to blog about something so stupid. I don't know if it's because I'm just a brat or something but I think in my life, the most unfair person is my mother. "Mommys' little girl" she always calls me, but I'm turning 17 this year and a month ago she set my curfew from 10am - 4pm and only on weekends. Honestly, I was already extremely happy with having a curfew, no matter what my friends say about it being "failed" and early. I always think of the brighter side of things, "my mom is strict with me because I was bad in the past". To be honest, the worse things i've done really is because I would love to be free..which i'm obviously not. See back in 7th grade, i would wake up in the morning so I could go play handball...so one time i woke up at 5 in the morning on a saturday to play and my mom found out and called everyone i ever called for the past month. Honestly, I understood it all...i got diciplined too..she came from new jersey in the morning to beat me with a ruler.. but what i don't get..she still uses it as a reference to yell at me now when it was 5 years ago.
I love my mother...but everytime she threatens me telling me not to call her mom...i get closer to saying okay. She always overreacts to the smallest thing. Today is definitely not my day, and when she yelled at me over the phone and told me not to call her mom because i'm stressing her out. That, literally made me so angry..i was so over being mad but she accuses me for the dumbest things. I have this cutting addiction because I am not allowed to hang out afterschool and I used to stay home on the weekends too...and the only time i was allowed to go out was with my cousins. REALLY i understand i make mistakes and i'm not the brightest student in the world but she never sees her own problems in the way she talks and acts. She says I raise my voice at her...when that's HARDLY ever the case.
The other night she asked me why I don't talk to her...the reason is...because she'd only get upset at my honesty. With my friends, i'm extremely honest...if I was honest with her..we wouldn't be talking. For real though, my mom in my life...has provided me with some of the clothes on my back, some of the food that went through my body, my electronics but she tells everyone as if everything of mine was given by her. I'm raised by my entire family...and my thoughts of stuff is pretty different compared to others, because my family's view influence my own.
I think this is my longest blog entry...and even though i can go on about this for ..a lot more..i won't because i'm so tired of being angry. My life needs to change..that's all. With this kind of blog..i don't think any song fits my mood. Guess i can't put anything attached at the end..i do have a song actually. But i don't put it up ...saving it for next time ;). So yeah. I'm out!